The loss of a child...

Life sucks and the loss of beautiful Irelyn is proof of how bad it can truly be.  Trying to be a good friend and understanding what I can do is difficult.  I feel useless and so far away.  My sister recently had a similar situation with a dear friend and posted this on her blog.  I am also posting it on mine.  It was written by a parent who dealt with a child's loss and it helped me better understand some things I can do as a friend.  I hope you find it helpful as well.

To the Hensley family.  I love you and I'm here any time day or night to listen or offer useless small talk if you want a distraction.  Your in my thoughts and prayer always!!

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List 

I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back 
I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well. 
If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both. 
I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from your home. 
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever. 
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be said and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day. 
I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug. 
I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. 
I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead. 
I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time so don't frustrate yourself. 
I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal. 
I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you. 
When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle daily. 
I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky. 
Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle him at an hour at a time. 
I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again. 
I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.
Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly it is not my intent. Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend some time alone.

Changes...

As many of you now know, due to my recent Christmas card letter, Union Pacific is moving the Roseville, CA dispatchers to Omaha. The most current announcement is that we will be moving, but we do not have a date yet and they plan to have all the dispatchers moved in the next six months. I'm very excited about being close to my friends and family, but I have to admit I like California. The people are kind, the weather is nice (comparitavly), and there is a lot to do.

So with this move I'm feeling the drain of unemployment once again. I've contacted some old peers at various schools near home, but I fear my lack of experience since the last time I looked for a teaching job is only going to hinder my search. Not to mention I'm so very tired of searching for jobs. It feels like I've been looking for years...oh wait I have. Every time I had a job I had to leave, or it wasn't full time. My long term sub job I left for Jeromy and Texas then my part time adjunct position at Lone Star I left for California. Now that I am here there is not enough time to get a serious job before we move home. So I've been searching for random jobs, but with little success. I'm hoping that this move is good timing to search for a teaching job and I already have my IA and NE licenses, which is also exciting. Searching for a job in the worst recession of my lifetime is depressing and frustrating, but I have hope that the new year will bring good things!

This will be the first year I haven't been home for any of the holidays and I will be missing you all even more then usual. I'm hoping to be home soon, but I'm waiting to hear more about the move before I decide when is the best time to come home.

I'm also hoping to pick up the pace with my blog again, but I'm not making any promises. I need to start thinking again about things like the $1.6 billion was given to bank execs last year in salaries and bonuses. Can you believe it? I believe it, but it makes me angry...I wish I could be paid millions to do a terrible job.

Miss you all! Happy Holidays!!

Wings, Bars and Fried Chicken

So it has been awhile since I last sent an update. California is going well, but we both miss our friends and family.

We are getting used to things, but we have found that we miss great restaurants very much. Being new to the area has some definite drawbacks and here is an example...

This week we went to Folsom, CA (about 30 min away) to find some wings because wings are difficult to find - there isn't even a Buffalo Wild Wings. Anyway when we finally arrived we learned the wing place did not open until 4pm...it was 2, so we decided to have bloody marys and a snack walk around and check out some of the little shops. We ordered our beverages and a quesadilla we received the bloody marys and a big plate of fajitas. Clearly the woman heard fajita we were the only 2 at the bar, so we ate our fajitas and filled our tummies only to leave an hour and a half later without a single little chicken wing. We had a similar experience trying to find fried chicken and we learned that the grocery store is the best bet (other than a KFC). There are also very few bars in our area - it seems to find a little nightlife we need to go to Folsom or Sacramento.

We have made no friends...this is no surprise, but we have met our neighbors and they seem very nice. I have my first interview on Wed. and I'm really trying hard to be prepared because the job seems like it is something I would enjoy. Let's face it any job in this economy would be great. Although it is a heavy travel, work from home position I am hoping we can make a couple friends when I find a job. I'm going a little stir crazy in the house. So far I've made curtains, refinished the "cubes" in the living room, repainted the den, bathroom, and kitchen and I have plans for making some Christmas gifts.

Although we are bored we are also trying to find some new things to do. We went to SF with Mom and Jack while they were here. We went to an Apple Hill, a large group of apple orchards, a couple weeks ago and we are hoping to go skiing or at least hang out in the mountains in the next few weeks. The weather here is amazing and the boys seem to love California. Chance spends most of his days hanging out in his new yard and Gimli, well he just naps as usual, but if he is feeling frisky he may nap on the patio with Chance.

Hope this reaches everyone in good health and good spirits for the holidays. We miss you all very much and we CAN'T wait to have visitors!!!

Ah the speech of Mrs. Palin

For those of you who think Sarah Palin rocked your world last night by saying everything you wanted to hear...some facts.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080904/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_fact_check

Ahhh...good ol' abstince. Sure didn't work for her family. Good thing they are getting married because that is what 17/18 year old kids should do...freaking idiot. I wonder if this marriage plan was in the works before she was vetted or if she bought the poor child an engagement ring for her daughter herself.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/wap/20080904/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_palin_cindy_mccain;_ylt=Av3Kq8KZcl2wr6CuRHGNfdhh24cA

John McCain's VP Pick

I find it appalling that McCain is using Sara Palin as a pawn to gain the trust of women who know little more then she kept her precious child after learning that it had downs. Since when is that extraordinary? Many mothers who have less support and financial stability make that same choice every day. Well here are the things I have learned after briefly researching her online and enough for me to find her nomination repulsive...

1. Her education credentials are clearly lacking with only "Bachelor's Degree in Journalism/Communications"
2. Her strong beliefs about overturning Roe v Wade
3. They speak of Barack's lack of experience...she has only been the Governor of AK which proceeds her brief time as a mayor and city council member. Let's face it she is a business woman whose location and states natural resources made her a politician. Do you want your HR rep to be next in line for the presidency because that is what would happen if the McCain/Palin ticket won.
4. Her resume is primarily oil and gas related. Does she know anything else?
5. Her antiquated ideas about women's rights


I just hope that Americans can see past the disgusting way the McCain is using this woman as a media distraction, seemingly believing that women will vote for just because he picked a woman as his VP. This doesn't make him a "maverick" it makes him an idiot. Why don't we just go back to mid-evil politics where women were married off for political gain? How is this much different she is nothing more then a "trophy wife" for McCain's campaign. Before you vote John McCain do you really want this woman to be Commander and Chief? It's not a silly question...let's face facts...McCain is as old and decrepit as his ideas.

PS We made it safely to CA today...after 24ish hours. It was a long drive. We are all very tired, but this whole thing is killing me and I had to get it off my chest. Hillary should have spit in her face instead of congratulating her...ok I better stop. P.S. Obama's speech was just ok to me. Couple things I didn't like, but overall he's definitely my man after this bullshit...I am truly disgusted.

Update on House Hunting

Just sending out a little update. We have offers on two houses. Friday there was one offer that had been accepted, but then they said that there were other offers and they were reviewing them all. We don't really know what is going on there, so we are hoping to hear something today. One house I have seen pictures of and the other one I have not, but I trust Jeromy's judgement on the houses. During our house hunting trip we were in agreement on most houses...well there was this one old lady house with a beautiful yard with tons of flowers and a pool, but the house was pretty 70's and Jeromy hated it...I would have suffered with the house to have the yard, but what do you do. Nothing on the job front. Jeromy has the laptop in CA, so I'm doing most of my online stuff at Kinko's and the college library. It works fine, but I can only sit at the library so long and I get bored. I'm also waiting on another draft of my resume because I didn't like the first one they sent me.

As long as one of these houses goes through this week we will be moving next weekend to CA. I'm hoping this is the case because I'm very bored without Jeromy around and I'm ready to start fixing up our new home.

House Hunting

I head back to Texas tomorrow for an undetermined amount of time with the fate of our lives still in limbo. We have placed bids on three different homes. Each having it's own good and bad points and there was one we saw today that we liked as well (mostly because of the awesome pool). We have bid on one house with a pool, but I don't think we are willing to pay what they want for a small house (1400 sq) with an expensive amenity. Not to mention there is no green grass for the boys to roll in so some work would be needed to take out some concrete. The other two are a little bigger at 1750 and 1900 square feet and seem to be stronger investments because we are hoping the square footage will give us a better resale value. All the houses need a little work, but the one with 1750 needs a lot of TLC. It's been interesting to search for a home strictly as an investment in such a weird economy. Ninety percent of the homes we viewed were empty and many were selling for $150,000-200,000 less then they were 3 or 4 years ago. A lot of the homes we liked had multiple bidders, or were short sales (which meant that we couldn't wait on the process). Anyway we should know something tomorrow on our bids and we will keep you posted.

We did little more than house hunt all week. I think we looked at more than 30 houses and little scenery, but we did make it to San Francisco yesterday. It's a very busy city, but seems like lots of fun to visit and with traffic it only took 1.5-2 hours to get there. We drove over the Golden Gate bridge, visited Pier 39, and did a little drive though Sonoma on our way back. Overall it seems like there will be plenty to do for those of you who want to visit.

Starting tomorrow I will have to venture to the library to use the computer, but I will try to keep everyone posted on the events as they unfold. I am hoping to be back here in just a few short weeks because I am looking forward to getting unpacked and the grueling process of job searching. Once we have a home I will post pictures.

California and Such Things

As most of you know Jeromy and I are moving near Sacramento, CA. He is being transferred through Union Pacific to the office in Roseville, CA. It's scary and exciting. I finally sent my resignation to the college where I teach as an adjunct instructor. I'm going to miss that job very much because I loved working with the students and the faculty was very supportive. If only it had been full time...regardless I am going to miss it very much.

One of the big reasons for the move is that we are going to be buying a house as part of the relocation package that UP offers. It's a great opportunity and it's a buyers market in California. Yes we are aware of how expensive housing is in California, but the area we are moving to is very reasonable. We already have a good list of houses that we are going to look at in a couple weeks when we head over there for our house hunting trip. We leave for Sacramento on July 20th and I will return alone on the 28th. Later J will come back and we will all drive up together to our new home.

Overall I think it will be a great adventure and I'm looking forward to seeing a part of the country that I swore I would never move to. Everyone we talk to about the area says, "It's beautiful there!!" so we are excited to see what all the hype is about. I'm hoping that it is a place where I fit in and that I don't have a difficult time finding a job, but times are tough and I'm not betting on an easy job hunt. I am going to be looking for something in the education field and getting my California teaching license. I will probably have to substitute teach for awhile and the mere thought of starting all over with subbing makes me very sad. However, I do have some new help that UP offers and I'm going to have my resume rewritten (much to my dismay it apparently is not as fantastic as I once thought). They will also write a cover letter for me and there is some online help that I have access to for the next couple years.

I hope that we have some visitors while we are there because there will be a lot to do. If just wish California were closer to Omaha because a beautiful landscape can never replace the friends and family from home that I miss and think about every day!

A Woman President

Anyone who believes that Hillary has been given the fair shake as a woman should read this article and truly contemplate what this writer has to say. My only comment to add is that we fear poking fun of a person's race, so the sex card was easily played...think about that too. How far has America really come since civil rights, and why are women still considered less than equal? It's difficult to argue otherwise when you consider pay and promotions in the workplace...I was actually asked if I had any "issues, like kids" by one of them men in this office before I was offered this job. Do you think a man would be asked that question?

Anyway don't have a lot of time to write about this subject, but thought the column was worth placing on my blog.

Pink Floyd Review

So Sunday Jeromy and I saw Roger Waters perform the entire Dark Side of the Moon album plus many other songs by Floyd and a few from his solo career. It was an unbelievably awesome concert. I enjoy the Floyd and have never complained when a little "Wish you Were Here" came on the radio, but hearing that song in person definitely made me a little sappy to say the least.
We went to the show expecting to hear only Dark Side of the Moon, but we were surprised by the presence of Vera, Bring Our Boys Back Home, Shine on you Crazy Diamond, and a few others. Then he sang some of his solo stuff...effectively pissing off the expanse of Texas by using the lyrics...

Oh George! Oh George!That Texas education must have fucked you up when

you were very small

...all while a large inflatable pig adorned with a caricature of Bush on one side, and Obama on the belly floated through the crowd and into the sky as vote Obama confetti littered the crowd. Great fun for this little Iowa girl! Making statements with music...isn't that what Pink Floyd has always done? Why they were shocked about the lyrics was beyond me - especially considering the album was released in 2004 (although there was an additional line that he added for the show I don't remember exactly what it was). Anyway I guess they probably didn't make the connection when he sang Bring the Boys Home, The Hero’s Return, Another Brick Wall, or some of his other politically charged songs.

Roger Waters is an amazing musician and vocalist. It's remarkable that he has the range and power as he gets up there in years. Awesome Concert, I am so glad Jeromy took me with!!

Finally

I really wish Obama would have denounced this idiot a long time ago! This man is an outrage and it concerns me, as an Obama, supporter that he didn't distance himself the first time.

Let's just hope all this craziness on the Democrat side doesn't help Bush's creepy uncle McCain too much...

Jobs and Such Things

I am done with the temp job, where I did nothing - literally. I will be working on my job search again full force. I'm sooo happy to be done with that job. The commute was 45min-75 min and I never thought having nothing to do would be so painful, but it truly is awful. I was also quite surprised at how indifferent the people around me were toward me. Instead I had to listen to the drafters talk about asses as they went by, fornication with their girlfriends, and on a good day guns, hunting, and how McCain is a superior candidate...yes there were a few times where I piped in and set them straight that there is no way any republican has a chance. I fear now though what this long race may do to the democrats. Although I am an Obama supporter, I'm down with Hillary too. I just fear another four years of BS like we have had for the last eight. I digress...the banter in the trailer where I worked was beyond out of line and worthy of a shower after work, so in many ways I'm very glad to be done working there. For the most part the women acted inferior to the men by giggling and bowing down to their bosses every whim. I understand not many women choose oil rig engineering as a career, but this was a men's club like I had never seen. During the last ten days I worked there not a person from my team spoke with me. Seriously? I'm believe I'm a likable person, at least worthy of a stop by and what up. I worked with ex-boyfriends who were chattier. Creepy. Disgusting. Finally Over. I'm Sorry about the rambling...if that was one of my students papers I would have said "One main idea per paragraph" but it's not and you get an A if you can follow my story.



I love my job teaching Dev. Writing at L.S. College, but even though the pay is great I can't work enough hours to pay off my debt. I can't believe I have been without a full time, benefits offering gig for almost 2 years now. It's unreal. I have put out hundreds of resumes for teaching, training, and cs jobs with little response. It's well beyond frustrating at this point. I'm truly at a loss. Everything I read says to send your resume out to places that do not have jobs posted. Houston is the 3rd largest city in the country and I'm just supposed to randomly send out my resume? WTF where would you start? With unemployment at an all time high at 5% I can't imagine how many people I am competing with for every job. I applied for some stupid job online that tracks how many applicants there are...oh yeah...just wait...23,000, and it wasn't a great job. Something stupid. The closest I have come to a job was in Chicago last month and I bombed my 3rd phone interview...they become progressively more difficult to come up with new stuff once you are on your third interview. Anyway I will continue plugging away. Not much else that I can do really. J's friend called the FAA for him, and we may hear a little something this week. It sounds like they never really took him out of the queue for accepting the job in Beaumont causing the other requests to sit in limbo. Hopefully they will offer us somewhere closer to home, and I can find a job there. It has to happen eventually right???

It's the Super Blog

It's been a long time since I have blogged anything, so here is the the Super Blog. I wasn't keen on accomplishing much at work today. I spent some time scoping news websites (that is all I have access to at work) and I found many articles that were irritating. Considering point one I was already grumpy (at work) and point two I have worked this temp job for a month and I still don't know what I am supposed to be doing, but i digress we will discuss my crazy world another day... All this rambling is just a brief explanation of how the Super Blog came to be.

I put all the annoying statements and stories in one big blog. Of course with my added comments all color coded for your reading pleasure...annoying statements blue...my statements green for awesome, and good quotes in red!

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSWBT00848920080228

"President George W. Bush said on Thursday Americans would receive checks that are part of the $152 billion economic stimulus package in May."We anticipate that the checks will start being sent in the second week of May and that is going to be very positive news to consumers," Bush told reporters after meeting with his economic team.

We aren't in a recession, but don't worry "CONSUMERS" your checks are on the way. Many people can't find jobs or pay their bills, but lets take our mere $600 and head to Best Buy for the newest and greatest gadget that we don't need. Hey I'm not dissing anyone for spending their stimulus money, it just bothers me that when our country is in great need Bush throws us a few hundred dollars and asks us to spend, spend, spend. Don't forget you will be taxed next year for receiving this money and it is costing our country millions of dollars just to dole out a $600 check for each person...if they are lucky. Although I mask the happiness about my $600 with bitterness about the big picture of the mess we are in I plan on paying bills with my money - if for nothing else to spite Bush.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23389508/
"President Bush said Thursday the country is not recession-bound and, despite expressing concern about slowing economic growth, rejected for now any additional stimulus efforts. "We acted robustly," he said. Bush's view of the economy was decidedly rosier than that of many economists, who say the country is nearing recession territory or may already be there. "I'm concerned about the economy," he said. "I don't think we're headed to recession. But no question, we're in a slowdown."

Why do we need a stimulus package if we are just in a slowdown? What is a slowdown exactly? Does it include a 5% unemployment rate, banks who are closing their doors, an astronomical amount of foreclosures, and housing prices that continue to plummet? " I'm not for additional stimulus packages, but seriously "a slowdown".

OBAMA SAY WHAT???? Hell ya stick it to him.

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN2637767820080228

President George W. Bush on Thursday sharply criticized Democratic front-runner Barack Obama's pledge to meet Cuban leader Raul Castro without preconditions, leaping squarely into the race to succeed him."I'm not suggesting there's never a time to talk, but I'm suggesting now is not the time ... to talk with Raul Castro," Bush told a White House news conference.Obama quickly fired back, saying, "The American people aren't looking for more of a do-nothing Cuba policy that has failed to secure the release of dissidents, failed to bring democracy to the island and failed to advance freedom for 50 years.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23375271/

Two 18 year old GIRLS were escorted off a plane.

What caused the ruckus? Well, it seems that first Swedberg felt sorely dissed by not being served water before take-off and then getting skipped over during the in-flight beverage service. Then Williams needed to use the lavatory, but found it occupied. Either she really had to go, or she's not accustomed to having to wait — regardless, witnesses say she banged on the door and then got into a heated exchange with the passenger who finally emerged from the bathroom.Southwest Airlines spokesperson Beth Harbin says the police were called in to meet the flight in Los Angeles because “the girls were verbally abusive to another customer ... using profanities ... and getting in his face.”The young women have a different take on the story — one they were all too happy to share with a local TV station in Tampa Bay. As the camera panned up her legs, past her brightly manicured nails and off-the-shoulder blouse, Nisreen Swedberg calmly explained how unfairly she'd been treated, how she didn't feel as if she'd done anything wrong and that she was surely singled out “based on my looks.” On the phone, Swedberg's friend, Sarah Williams, told the TV reporter, “I think they were just discriminating against [us] because we were young, decent-looking girls. I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us — except us.

Do I really need to say anything here??? What the F%$K???? Where do these people come from? Wow...whenever I think about this it makes me angry.

Bush on the intelligence bill

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23337142/

To put it bluntly, if the enemy is calling into America, we really need to know what they're saying, and we need to know what they're thinking, and we need to know who they're talking to," Bush said at the start of his annual meeting with the nation's governors at the White House.

I'm soooo tired of Bush using the fear of the unknown to get his way. We are at risk for terrorism, like every other country in the world, but when are they going to stop taking away our basic liberties because we fear what may happen? After 9-11 we moved on with our lives to prove that we are Americans and we aren't going to live in fear, but it seems to be an agenda of fear that this administration continues to push. Some say it's too late....my mom swears it all started with seat belt laws. It would be interesting to read the entire bill. Just because wire tapping is a focus I'm sure there are other issues just as big proposed that give away other rights. If you know somewhere I can read it post it up...I'm curious.

Tool

I went to the Tool concert with J and a couple of our friends last night and enjoyed the concert more than I ever thought possible. I have never really felt the way J does about Tool, but never minded when he reached for their CD in the car. It was because of this that I was a little apprehensive about the concert, but as often happens in relationships I found myself at the Tool concert.

J was definitely right about the art and lights at the show because it was pretty amazing. There were times I felt more like I was at an art show than a rock concert. The claymation art that Adam does is disturbing, but it is good in a contemporary art kind of way. Overall I officially give Tool my seal of approval despite our nosebleed seats and the poor acoustics in the Toyota Center (it was made for basketball games not a rock concert). I would suggest that anyone who likes Tool or is curious to go to one of their shows.

Waiting in Frustration

We are still waiting on Jeromy's interview with the FAA-it is for a job in TX. Not real sure how that happened since they only sent letters for CO and IL, but hey what do I know anyway. It's been a serious blow to my morale lately. He says not to worry because we don't have to take it if it is somewhere we don't want to live. Anyway hopefully this whole FAA business is dealt with soon and we can get the hell out of Texas and move somewhere where I can actually get a job.

I am sick of working stupid jobs and not knowing where I am going to be working next month or tomorrow for that matter. I am supposed to start substitute teaching this week. It's not cool...very depressing actually. I hate substitute teaching and I'm tired of not having a regular job. I can't believe what a nightmare this has all become. Don't get me wrong I love my adjunct job at North Harris College, but it is only part time and can change each semester. Not to mention it is hard to look for a job when you know that you will probably be moving in the next few months.

Can't wait to come home for Christmas. I am not sure what days I will be home, but I am hoping to be home for at least 10 days. I miss you all very much and I hope that you send me a little update letting me know how fantastic life is in Iowa and elsewhere.

Awesome

This has been all over the news today. Someone gave her Michael Vick football cards to her pet Weimerimer and took pictures of the cards/dog to sell on eBay. All proceeds went going to charity! At least something good came of the stupid situation that I am truly sick of hearing about. Send him to jail let him do his time for being a piece of scum and the rest of us can go on with our lives knowing there will be one less person torturing dogs on the street.

Quick Update

I have just a few things to update you on. The first is my new addiction Six Feet Under. I just started watching the series on DVD and I really like it. The characters are very real to me and they are definitely interesting. Anyway I'm really enjoying watching it...keep 'em coming Netflix.

I am starting my classes at the community college next week. Developmental Writing I and II is what I will be teaching. I am really excited, but definitely nervous. It was definitely weird going in and picking up my books and realizing that I am the one who has to teach this to people. I have been working on getting some basic class supplies and creating some lesson plans I think this is going to be a great experience and I just need to get started on my Masters so I can do this full time.

I am still looking for a second job and applied at a couple local library's, and a few random places. Without the Internet it has been difficult. Our favorite "borrowed" wireless has added some security, so it is touch and go until we get our own. Maybe this means more time at Starbucks who knows???

I'll be going home again in a few weeks for the big wedding. Other than the struggle to get J shopping for his suit I think we are ready. I found a really cute dress on sale for the rehearsal dinner and my bridesmaid dress should be ready Wed.

The boys are good, but sick of the heat. Other than that nothing new and exciting is going on here in TX.

The End of Harry Potter

Be wary of the linked article and this blog as it reveals "spoilers" about the end of the Harry Potter series.

Let me begin this by saying that I have never been a tried and true muggle. I only read the last two books in this series. Honestly, I feel no remorse for not reading the previous 5 books. I want to go on record saying that I did enjoy the two books I read, but felt that in many ways Rowling was not holding the Elder Wand for this reader.

I have to agree with the writer of the linked review. Harry's path never really challenged him as a true protagonist should be challenged. He lost many people that he loved, but was never really faced with a challenge of moral standards. In fact we could even challenge the fact that Harry never actually had to face killing anyone but Voldemort during the books...how did that work out? We see Dumbledore in the end as a man who "tricked" Harry into following his ideas that was sorry for never really being honest with him, so I guess Dumbledore grew in his death where he could not in his life. Still Dumbledore is not supposed to be coming of age I thought that this was the Harry Potter story not the Dumbledore, Snape story of growth. How did Harry change more than succeeding in surviving puberty?

Since I started reading the books I have been saying, "too much death, too much death" and I hold true to this statement. It seems that other than his parents, and later Dumbledore's death, really had little bearing on his growth as a character. Harry knew and understood the pain of losing those he loved very much, so taking them from his life later only added to his feeling of loneliness. I was sad to see Sirius leave and I think his was the first death that could have accomplished more with continuing through the story. It felt like Rowling was doing this just for the shock factor of death - that it had little purpose. I can honestly say that I did not cry during the last two books. Considering my fondness for ancient wizards that remind me of Gandalf this says a lot. The deaths were rushed and the characters undeveloped. For example, why kill Lupin and Tonks and not delve into the grim reality that Harry, who is only seventeen, may be his caregiver. Does this change Harry? I didn't think so...Harry walks into his death not even considering the idea that he may be the caregiver for Teddy - the boy he told Lupin he should never abandon. Why go after the Weasley's - AGAIN? Really I think the pain and suffering they endured on Harry's behalf was more than excessive and lost it's power.

I loved the characters of Neville and Luna, but they were never given their due credit in the last book. Luna was not even mentioned in the last meager effort to flash forward. Luna's father played an unnecessary role in explaining to Harry about the Hallow's because anyone could have given Harry that information, Ron and Hermione were well versed in the story. He was a fun character and it's too bad we didn't hear more about his paper and ideas. He would have made a great researcher to help them along their journey...learning maybe to accept those whose ideas are not like your own. Which leaves me to my last complaint. What the hell was with all the time in the woods "planning"? It was too reminiscent of the slow parts of Lord of the Rings, where they did little more than suffer and walk. This however was much more frustrating because Ron, Harry and Hermione weren't going anywhere, they weren't advancing on their quest, and Hermione was not true to her quick witted character who assisted Harry instead of waiting for him to divulge his true plan. It shouldn't have taken Hermione months to show Harry and Ron the random symbol in the child's book which she read over and over again. The whole deluminator thing was also kind of silly could she not think of a better magical gift for Ron. However, I would venture to guess Ron's tendency to be selfish is something I have clearly missed by not reading the books. My last big complaint...the names of their kids were fairly atrocious.

Anyway I'm off my soapbox now. The book did keep me interested and for the same reason I chose to read them now and that is I really wanted to know how she would end it all. For that I think the book is great and I keep in mind that it is/was a book for young adults. The complexity and movement is appropriate for this age group. I guess I just think it could have been much more, and as most of you know my feelings, I can now truly say "It's no Lord of the Rings".

Paris Je T'aime

J and I went and saw a fantastic indie film last night called Paris Je T'aime. It was a poignant delivery of twenty different stories that were put together as a love letter to Paris. The stories were between 7-10 minutes long, so if there isn't one you like it's over before you know it.

I really enjoyed it, and after thinking about it I think I liked the one about the tourist from Denver the best, but they were all great. Just serious to the point leaving a lot of room for reflection and symbolism to consider later.

Anyway if you happen to see it playing somewhere....GOOO!! You will be happy that you did...oh and most of the film is in French with subtitles, but it isn't hard to follow.

Three days until I get home. YEAH!!!

My Shelf is Finally Complete

Well my shelf is finally complete and tagged, so you can see my all time top ten. I don't feel confident about the final list because I think it may change, but it's fun to look at. Feel free to ask me about any of the books on my shelf - unless they are tagged unread I have read them. You can get there by clicking on the link above. Please join Shelfari because I need friends!!!